Motherhood

and…. WE ARE PREGNANT…

Ok ok ok… you all I AM NOT CURRENTLY PREGNANT (we are donZO on this #brownpartyof5) BUT if you have been following my blog post from 2 weeks ago…Our Journey THRU IVF…. you know the one where I told you about our IVF Process… well peeps its been 2 weeks…  seems LONG doesn’t it…  well try and wait to see if you are pregnant and wait this 2 WEEKS!!

Well kids the process of IVF worked for us!!!  This 2 embryos we transferred STUCK… or we thought they did.  I remember to this day where we were when the IVF Nurse called and said “Well you are technically pregnant and your HCG is 200″….  I literally was in the bathroom of the Hilton Ballpark Hotel at the Missouri Valley Tourney.  I know too much info but SHIT i didn’t care where I was at…. THIS was the phone call!  So all i remember hearing was YOU ARE PREGNANT!  So I immediately went and told everyone we were there with!  Because it finally worked!   SO about an hour later Im like I better call back and make sure..  The nurse said, yes you are “Technically pregnant” but your numbers are low…. OkOK they can increase!  Cant be that hard right???

So as you know I continue to be a pin cushion getting my bloodwork every other day to check on my numbers.  As you might not know… your HCG numbers need to double every 24-48 hours to make sure all is good.  My numbers continued to double for 10 days…. So in those 10 days I continued to have hope that these little babies/baby were just  a little slower at increasing their numbers (I mean nothing has come easy with this so why would these HCG numbers).

And I do have to say in the meantime…. while I was waiting the 2 weeks to see if these little munchkins even took… i got what they call OHSS (Ovarian stimulation Syndrome)… what the heck is that you say?     Pretty much I was SUPER stimulated and my body was like WTF is going on…..  I looked like i was 8 months pregnant a week after my transfer… YEP sure did.  Also had to stay home two days and drink fluids and monitor my out take as well so I didn’t have to go back in for them to DRAIN the fluid from my belly!  Needless to say I feel like the stress on my body was another reason the first 2 embryos decided not to stick!

Well after DAY 10 I get the call back about my bloodwork from the nurse.   Well Chelcee, your numbers are going down and crap I didn’t know what that meant… Ok maybe I did but didn’t want to believe it.  I am MISCARRYING 😦  Like super devastated!!!!   I remember calling Lance and just crying.  And as he always said it will all be ok and it will happen for us.  Sooooooo what did I do next….  I HAD TO FOLLOW OUT MY ENTIRE miscarriage with getting bloodwork every other day in St Louis until my numbers hit 0.  Then we would start again!!

To say we were devastated and disappointed was such an understatement.  And to have to follow my miscarriage out for 2 weeks to be able to move on was also as hard.  But ya know what I now look back at that and it just wasn’t God’s timing I guess.  At the time I wasn’t for sure if I had much faith in that anymore.  I mean I am a spiritual person but I don’t go to church much at all.   I honestly don’t feel I need to go to one place one day a week to continue my spiritual beliefs (again, don’t judge but thats just me).

And the wait continues…..

One of my friends got me a little saying and it said…

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I would sit that by my bed and look at that daily.  I still have that and continue to look daily.  Even though this wasn’t that time for us to be parents.. I knew it was coming.  Or I continued to HOPE!  If you are struggling with something like this in your life.  Seriously print this out and read this quote daily!  I swear it helps!! Or I love this Coffee Mug as a daily reminder!

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